The Summer Effect

My words are getting hoarse now
We must not be trying
Stuck, exhausted I guess we will never learn
Don't say your tired
Because I have tried
more than you'll ever know

With your time I've been wasted
and times turned back
Passing on everything that was meant to be
in no time I was wasted

Don't take time to over analyze
Every little word
Everything that happened I can trace it
Back to a place where everything got quiet

Im feeling my screws loosen
and I'm hanging on, my hinges
Im way past fixing
Don't knock too hard
because I'm way past fixing

My low self-esteem is at an all time high pt. 1

All the best lies are told half heartedly
Everything in life happens
at the expense of something else
We are all full of what ifs

And I don't know who told you
that secrets lie in hips
I've been there once and I dare not go again
Lies don't make secrets
And your secrets won't make friends
I've told you once that I dare not go again

Your just feeding in lies,
but the greedy get caught
But now that I know the weak point in liars
Is talking too much
your silver tongue is grating your teeth
And your smile looks more like a smirk to me

Your just feeding in lines, but the greedy get caught
The weak point in liars is talking too much
All the best lies are told half heartedly
And I've been here once but since I've parted ways

something I thought about over breakfast

Fuck love
Who doesn't love to fuck
I've fucked love
and love fucked me what feels like a hundred times over
How can I have had so many encounters
with this thing and still not believe it exists
I guess that just contradicts everything I've done
Up to this point
I've shared my worst traits
concealed my worst traits
and still it never worked quite right
So fuck love
but who doesn't love to fuck
but a simple fuck simply isn't love
I know that much
but every time I fuck it reminds me
that I wouldn't mind getting fucked over a thousand times
If somehow the one I'm fucking
could be the one I'm fucking for a really long time

My low self-esteem is at an all time high

I just wrote this about the worst possible person I could imagine. The lyrics are supposed to be completely screamed with no clean vocals. Im gonna record a really rough version with the instrumental that I have as soon as I find the time.

Someone please write this scene specially for me
So when it blows they'll undertake me
I've got a wish, I've got a plan
It all starts with me holding out my hands

Fuck it I'll just go get a blow job
Spot me 50 I'll flip it twice
I won't get caught something real nice
Try my luck in three days we'll still be throwing rice

I'll hold out my hands they'll all tell me no
I don't get hurt, I just say fuck em'. cause im the shit

What's up son. Fuck what you said cause im the shit
What's up son. Fuck what you said cause im the shit

Hey son im the shit you just don't get it
Get your nose out the air, I stunt so hard
Getting head in the back of my car
So what if I paid? fuck im a star
Money and women, bitches and cars
So what did I pay? fuck im a star

I'll hold out my hands, they'll all tell me no
I don't get hurt, I just say fuck em' cause im the shit
Hatters hate and bitches wait
I'll take it now watch me hold my weight
I'll hold out my hands they'll all tell me no

The weak point of liars is talking too much
My silver tongue is knocking my teeth out
Picking up broads backstage at bars
Getting head in the back of my car
So what, underage? fuck im a star
Money and women, bitches and cars
So what did I pay? fuck im a star

The weak point of liars is talking too much
The greedy get caught. Im just voicing my thoughts
The weak point of liars is talking too much
Take the money and run, the greedy get caught
The weak point of liars is talking too much

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

She walked down the street
all signs point to self destruction
Reds to the left, yellows to the right
But oh no she won't slow down, because
that's not how this war will be won

In bliss youth knows no pain
A dollar for quiet thoughts
That's what she gets from life in a cul de sac
That's the love that they all brought
The damage is done she can't go back

So take your bags and go find your prince
Rumor is he stays in the lights

So when you drop
let your feet hit the ground,
and get lost in the crowds
let your feet hit the ground,
and get lost in the crowds

Dreams always start out fantastic
We find out that those dreams are plastic
Dreams always start out fantastic
But your always the last one laughing

Well she believed every single lie
that they ever told her
Well wipe your eyes there's no use in crying
Tuck your tail between your legs
you might as well just give up now
The damage is done she can't go back now
this is life from a cul de sac

Now put your head on the ground
and point your feet to the clouds
Oh there's more but I'll let you find it out

So take your bags
and go find your prince now
just hope that he never finds out
He'll never find out

Dreams always start out fantastic
We find out that those dreams are plastic
Dreams always start out fantastic
But your always the last one laughing

Light travels faster than anything, but the dark is always seems gets there first

We're all quaint little Mozarts
Just biding our time
til we write that perfect line

We're just inking out our hearts
To get ourselves figured out
Peeling back my skin
Just to make sense of why I am
Are these words to comfort me
or just Keep me secure at night

Wishing on waves
and dreaming them into daily life

I saw it once froze to death
I saw it twice it swallowed what was left
Third time, I guess I'll try

We're all quaint little Mozarts
Just biding our time
til we write that perfect line

This is an illusion. A trick is something a whore does for money.

Oh about your love letters,
you know I sent them back?
I know this much now,
your word is shit, its shit
Its shit

I won't be the one, to be wasted
You can waste my time
and I'll waste yours
and we'll all be just fine

You'll never lose me, now that's a winning game
We dropped our faces then ripped off our skin
Too bad we found the one thing we couldn't ever get
Your a bitch and im a fucking prick
Go tell my memories, they could have fooled me
What was happy, anyone?
We could pull out, avoid the scare
But when we'd touch, it'd be so electric
That I just couldn't...

act so foolishly, so foolishly
and that's because
you were the one

Consider this a threat
I wrote your name in blood
Don't sweat, its your time
I feel it my gut, trust me its good
Its good, its good

Fuck you. that's all I have to say
If I'd been right, then you wouldn't have to stray
Give me a break
Its time to go, you over stayed your stay
So don't waste your voice
with all those screams in vein
I can't stand to act so foolishly

He said, she said, but no one can say what they're feeling

She wrote me a note that said
I love you
I wrote back, no you don't.
She said
"don't tell me what im feeling"
I told her you couldn't even tell what you were feeling.
So then she said it again.
I LOVE YOU.
I told her "I can't say it because I wouldn't mean it; and neither do
you"
She said it again
"Don't tell me what I'm feeling"
I said "if you really mean it you'd jump on top of this table and scream
it at the top of your lungs.
If you really meant it,
right now you should be so mad that you would punch me in the face;
and when I fall you wouldn't stop kissing my face until I stopped
bleeding.
Now her eyes were swelling with tears
And I don't know if it was because she was mad at me or if she just
realized that maybe she wasn't "in love"
But I didn't say anything else
I just held her
and that was the last time I saw her.

A moment is the most you can expect of perfection

I hear the car whistling down the road
It might be time to go back home
The shrieking is killing my ears
It might be time to go back home

My heart is raging and my lungs are shrinking
My hands are sweating and the wheel is shaking

You were the one to take away everything I loved
Just to see how delicate a man is
You can take swing at diamond teeth
They won't stain when I bleed

My ego is falling
wondering where you went
The clock is ticking
and I need my fix
My heart is raging and my lungs are shrinking
My hands are sweating and the wheel is shaking

I can be, I can be the one you want to love
Funny, tall, intelligent and such
Just tell me what you need
Who knows, who knows what I can be

Sometimes when I can't see past your eyes I think
I could be your everything, then i hear the car whistling

My heart is raging and my lungs are shrinking
My hands are sweating and the wheel is shaking

You were the one to take away everything I loved
Just to see how delicate a man is
Funny, tall, intelligent and such
Who knows, who knows what I can be
The instructions read perfection requires assembly

I'm not one for rainbows and unicorns

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8


I found this on stumbleupon and I couldnt help but be like awwwww. It will definitely make you laugh or smile.

Eventually everyone will be famous for 15 minutes

Who's this kid standing in my shoes?
How do you do? Well, now that its through...
Either way im used, over and over it's you
Over and over its you

Oh don't even stare.
I know you've forgot how to care
for me or your hair. Damn.
Just tell me where you stand.

Tell me
where Standards have gone,
where Standards have gone.
Tell me standards have gone.

I know I can't hold out to long.
Soon I'll be just like you,
I'll be just like you.

Who's this kid standing in my shoes?
How do you do? Well, now that its through...
Either way im used, over and over it's you
Over and over its you

untitled

I'm title stumped again, I finished this a few days ago and I can't decide on a title. I've got it down to a few I'm probably gonna go with the first one. Who knows this might never get titled.

- it takes a pillage to raze a village
- How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb
- A conversation had with self
- A duck's quack doesn't echo

(What a life I lead drenched in shrouds)
On the day I die bury me in clouds
(Who thought my silence would be so goddamn loud)
I get high because the worlds so low
(I wouldn't hit a woman, but I'll beat a bitch down)
You wouldn't believe me even if I said so

The heat leaks from your eyes
The heat leaks from your eyes
(Three times I have tried, seven lives, six on white lines)
You wouldn't believe me if I, if I said so

($20,000 a Key)
(they're looking for me, they're looking for me)
(Try to go home and press restart)
(I'll ride by your house park and out front)

(Searching this wasteland for the meaning I lost)
In this world that I left behind
(Red battles with blue, arm the cannons on cue)
Its necessary that we experience this stage
Battles don't end in bags, they end in shrouds of grey

(Who thought my silence would be so goddamn loud)
I get high because the worlds so low
(I wouldn't hit a woman, but I'll beat a bitch down)
You wouldn't believe me even if I said so
On the day I die bury me in clouds

A parody of a tragedy

Dear rain, please don't leave me behind.
The thunder can be my savior
if the lightning will be my friend.
Stuffing myself into skin that doesn't fit,
and cutting veins that don't bleed
i can dance, i can sing.
Tell me what the rain brings
Just take me this time in
Would they love me more if I was boring
Stitching stars into the sky,
and tearing them down just to make a wish.
Still stuffing myself into skin that doesn't fit.
I can dance, I can sing.
Please tell me what the rain brings.

Uh-mazing

I have no clue what country this is from or anything about it at all... but its amazing.

...and I'll whisper "no".

If I save your fucking heart
Dreaming of nights where lights trail endlessly
So does everyone else
Drowning in laughter only lasting for a couple seconds
Saved by all the shallow heros, just like everyone else

Happiness is overrated anyway
Im my own worst enemy
don't give me any of that existential bullshit

I've got lies I've told my soul
The worst part is they're so old
I can't tell the the truth from the faux
Looking at what I've done, I've proven
the truth is faux blondes have more fun

If I save your fucking heart
Then you'll look at what we've done
drowning in existentialism
truth is faux blondes have more fun

What are we? There's no sense in questioning
the nature of a man and his ideas
Like all that shit you wear, you do what they say
and im the one alone so I look strange

Holding up walls with my back to the crowd
Join them, I'd rather be 6 ft underground
I'm not looking down,I guess I'm just an ass

Drowning in existentialism
Look at what I've done
Truth is faux blondes have more fun

If the sky were to suddenly open up...

This is unfinished, needs another verse at the end. Another Donnie Darko reference, I think I'm finally getting the last of it out of my system. My writing style has become so weird I don't even recognize it anymore. Maybe that's a good thing.

So picture this if you could make a wish
would you replace the pain with sunsets
would you make it, erase and its gone
Jump the shark to save the frog

To bad no one's in the business
of saving souls right now
Picture this it's a fantastic picture
raid the cabinet, where are the pills at

Your flying through clouds
Searching for an end
Picture this its a fantastic ending
Don't crash the plane while landing
Your climbing mountains trying
to find a place to sleep
On my way I found the tree of forgetfulness
and I breathe the air from its leaves

From windows to chills the pills never hurt my skills
I need to find my cellar door
I spent last night on a golf course

So picture this if you could make a wish
and turn the pain to sunsets
would you make it, erase and its gone
I don't know why I dream so hard

It comes from somewhere

Awesome poem I found by Charles Bukowski, I love this guy's style.

Probably from the belly button or the shoe under the
Bed, or maybe from the mouth of the shark or
the car crash on the avenue leaving blood and glass and memory.
It comes from love gone to the goat stable under an asphalt moon.
It comes from the flush of piss and shit
and the drain of dirty bathwater whirling.
It comes from screams stuffed with cotton.
It comes from hands without arms
and arms without bodies
and bodies without hearts.
It comes out of cannons and shotguns and old victrolas.
It comes from parasites with blue eyes and soft voices.
It comes from under the organ like a roach
It keeps coming
Its inside of sardine cans and letters
Its under your fingernails pressing blue and flat.
Smeared in brown.
Its the toy soldiers inside your head
Poking lead bayonets.
Its the first kiss and the last kiss and
The dogs guts like a river.
It comes from somewhere and it keeps
coming.

Hell, even fish drown

Content with men who's thoughts tread the shallow end
Your choosing to move this little circle on
Dumb down lines, that should have been the first sign
But you choose to move this circle on

Pardon me but I can't sit by and let another brain cell die
excuse this out burst but I've done worst.
This can't be serious, satisfaction
must mean something different now.

Fishing for clues on the shallow end
There's something more around the bend
Only if you could swim, if only you could swim

While I wade through disdain
Just sit and ask, is this for the best
Brake down pros and cons
What am I saying,
that was out the window a while ago

If only you could swim, if only you could swim
Get a clue take a fucking lesson
Ignorance is bliss, contention in the kiddie end

Content with men who's thoughts tread the shallow end
Your choosing to move this little circle on

Its elementary, what'd you say Dr. Seuss?
You have brains in your head, and feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
Your on your own and you know what you know,
and your the one who'll decide where to go.

Dumb down lines, that should have been the first sign
But you choose to move this circle on

Textual urges

Bangbangbangbang
The last time I felt your touch
Bangbangbangbang
It's done what the fuck
Hey baby lately
I've lost my phone
Hey baby lately
I won't pick up

How could it end with a missed call
The message read out with friends
Little updates, I hang on every words end
Eyes been stuck to this screen like glue
I could just call to see what your up to
But talking's for functioning people

Bring out the fail whale to sink the ship
My discomfort tips the scale
This trip was too awkward to be real

Bangbangbangbang
The last time I felt your touch
Bangbangbangbang
It's done what the fuck
Hey baby lately
I've lost my phone
Hey baby lately
I won't pick up

It's turtles all the way down

Only one, I'm the only one
On this side or the other side
Lets pretend that we are capable of
some kind of normalcy
No, no, no

You broke me so now I will break you down
You broke me so now I will break you down
Holy fuck I think I silently lost my mind
Like that time Brian Austin died

I still miss you maybe I need you
I still miss you maybe I need you
I don't care anyway because people never change
I don't care anyway because people never change

Our sessile ways killed off any chance of emotions
These benthic thoughts start at the tongue
then work their way to the brain

I wanna steal your fucking face
and leave you senseless like me
I mean that literally
I mean what I say, and I say what I mean

Holy fuck now I'm back at start
You can't stop this absurdity
What's holding the world up
Trust me its not atlas' shoulders

No, no, no
You broke me so now I will break you down
I still miss you maybe I need you
I still miss you maybe I need you
I don't care anyway because people never change
I don't care anyway because people never change

Busy is just a synonym for asshole

I got the title from a piece by a girl named Eliana that I follow. Her blog is www.heyeliana.blogspot.com she's awesomeness if you read this you'll definitely like her stuff.

Its so naive to think anything
about me will last forever
How could you think
Anything about us would be forever
Its so naive to use those words
Im sorry

Lets start the distance
On your mark start the race
Emotions are inconvenient
So I got rid of them

You always said you would lead the robbery
Im sorry I'll take this stick up on my own
The last time I checked chivalry was dead
You'll have to get the door on your own

Lets save some face and not start anything
that we can't handle today
Lets not waste all of the day planning for tomorrow
Last time I checked chivalry was dead
so you'll have to get the door on your own

Its so naive to think anything
about me will last forever

Once upon a time, twice upon a girl

Been sitting on this one for a while, I kind of forced it out, the drag of summer classes is kind of killing my creativity. Oh and Eminem's new album is insanely amazing...

This bed we make
The secrets we keep, the decisions we reap
Pull back the sheets, pull back the sheets

Ask your self, what has this done for you
Try to put the rights to the back of your head
Put your conscience away, where's the body bag

So we're speaking in tongues
Swallow on cue now
When will we ever, no we'll never
Live this one down
The question is when will this end
When will we ever, no we'll never
Live this one down

I don't really wanna take the time
I don't really want to change my mind
The truth is getting closer and I fear
The thought just makes my stomach turn
I'd explode before I choose

Ask your self, what has this done for you
What has this done for you?
I'd explode before I choose

The Fail Whale

I honestly have no clue why this makes me laugh so hard.

"nothing in my head is broken"

I've had a bit of writers block lately. I've started like 4 pieces and have barely gotten half way through anything. So I just blurted this little piece out, as a way to try and loosen up my thoughts. Its kind of hard to with this Lakers game on, I'm hoping for a sweep.

I've also been obsessed with the movie Donnie Darko lately; its just pretty F-ing amazing. I don't believe it took me this long to find out about it; I heard about it a few months ago and I came across a download online and watched it. Needless to say, one of the best movies I've ever watched. There are so many things that leave you like WTF, and not to mention its just weird overall. If you haven't seen it you should, if you don't your life will be missing something.

What a cliche joke like crying clowns; or is that a metaphor. Does it really matter anymore? If tears are running this must be the end. I missed the fairy tale where cries start the happy part. Don't you wish we could reel in some normalcy? You reach for stars and I leer at the sun. We could be focused on the same one; but with reactions that have differences so drastic,how can you spell compatible? So lets just embrace the end, because if we fight it then we'll just lose and end up lost like a T.V. Show five seasons past due.

This picture doesn't have anything to do with this post I just like it. Its called "The mind hungers" by Luke Cheu

Frank was here, went to get beer

Three cheers
For awkwardness
Three cheers
for lonliness
Three cheers
now blow a kiss
These are your best years
It doesn't get any better than this

Then were just fucked

Frank told me
Things aren't always what they seem
I hope that's true this time
Were not the same, you and I
no matter what they say

Someone give me a sign
that everything's apart of this plan
Wake up, wake up
your sleeping on mountains
to see through clouds

When I clap my hands
this should all end

Three cheers
for awkwardness
Three cheers
for lonliness
Three cheers
now blow a kiss
These are your best years
If It doesn't get any better than this

We're all just fucked

What makes you think I'm not?

Gretchen: Donnie Darko? What the hell kind of name is that? It's like some sort of superhero or something?

Donnie: What makes you think im not?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Crack the pipe then burn it down
Just hand me the ax,
I could cut through bronze
Is this fear or is this love

Take back the time that we all lost
Take back the time that we all lost

We can't put our faith in you because we don't believe
These dreams, these lucid dreams, please
Wake me before the sky falls down
But if you don't nothing will change

What's in your dungeon? Is it fear or is it love
Mark your "x" on the line, its not that simple this time

Im afraid of what you'll tell me with these dreams
I keep hoping the answers will come to me in sleep
Just tell me when it ends to breathe relief

The Last Voyage of the Jimmy Carter

The title is the title of an episode of the terminator tv series. I'm bumed I found out it was cancelled today :( I guess now I'll have to go see the movie to get my fill of robots blowin stuff up.

I've got a shoe box full of everything you'd forget
Why don't I just let you have it
I'll let you get away just this time

No stop. This is war
Maybe this time you'll learn
you lost your piece of mind
Fuck the nice guy is he's dead

Its my fault, its what I keep thinking
Then I remember, I lost when I let you in

I got what I paid for, twelve dollar roses
Check the floor, don't trip over your conscience

This is war
Maybe this time you'll learn
you'll lose your piece of mind
if you let me in
Fuck the nice guy he's dead

Where the sidewalk ends...

This isn't about a girl, for the first time. This is more or less about being home sick I guess its one of those things that's up for interpretation, im not even exactly sure what it means. I thought I'd try it out.

Hey doll face, I just want to see you again
I think of you just to get through the day
I promise I'll be home sooner than you think

Eyes glow grey in the moonlight
I love when I stare and you respond in silence
Thinking of that street the night we first met
I know your never leaving, that just makes me...

I won't say your in my past
As weeks turn to months, months to years
I promise I'm on my way home

It makes no sense to look back, that's what they say
You can't go back, maybe I'd listen
If the thought of not seeing you didn't make me sick

Hey doll face, I just want to see you again
They think I can't go back
I think of you just to get through the day
They think I won't go back
I promise I'll be home sooner than you think

Men play with women the way they play with words

I get to be the bad guy on this one. I'm probably going to change the title, but this is a quote by Charles Bukowski. I haven't been anywhere near a computer in the last few days so im posting from my phone, and it kind of sucks because I can't comment, but hey...I'll probably get back to a compter on Tuesday.

I wont lie you started as just another conquest
But somewhere between your thighs and eyes
I lost my purpose but found it again, just in time

Dave chapelle said
If you don't want to be treated like whore
don't wear a whore's uniform
Don't criticize what you implied

If I had not acted on the impulse
You would have beded someone else
These concepts are embedded and
I express in ways I can't figure yet

Love and lust might as well be identical twins
But I'll never get them confused again

Call me a hypocrite but I could really care less
You were just a bridge, on my way to something serious
Im sure you've been in this position, and many others
I know karma's a bitch

If you don't want to be treated like a whore
Then don't wear the uniform
Don't criticize what you implied

These concepts are embedded and
I express in ways I can't figure yet
But I'll never get them confused again

A metaphor wrapped in irony?

No one ever warned me
About the ones with big brown eyes
Wide smiles and what they're hiding
Behind teeth words release motives
I never saw coming

I could drown in your eyes
But they're too shallow to tread
Wait now stop a second
How can I describe your perfection

You've become such a part of the music
I think you've grown bass strings for hair

I am arrested in this state of mind
My mind is arrested in this situation
Brown eyes and bass strings for hair
White smiles and what they're hiding
No one ever warned me, I never saw it coming

The future you have tomorrow won't be the future you had yesterday

From the corner of my eye
I see where the future leads me tonight

I've chased stars and you catch light
but I don't think you know
You'll leave with me tonight
From this bar, drinks to cars
I've been chasing the light

Eyes trade stares, ask me where
The time went
I've been tied in your eyes
They drown me in this night
So make this right, as we stare
You see the same as I

So take advantage of this moment
Lets paint this city red
Our hearts in sync
lets take this where you want it

I've chased stars and you catch light
but I don't think you know
You'll leave with me tonight

Would You Like Some Milk With Those Cookies Pt. 2

I wrote this in like 10 to 15 minutes I had the first line stuck in my head all day, along with a little melody and the words just started flowing. It doesn't have anything to do withmy current project but I just really liked it.

Do you ever wonder what happened to me
I know im self centered, but ill never get over it
Just like you'll never get over yourself

Now don't you answer my question with a question
If I have anything to say about it
your conscience will never rest

Im trying to forget but,
Im choking on morals I never knew I had
If I could just breathe
Id only want to breathe into you

I want to do things to your flesh
That you couldn't imagine
For the right and wrong reasons
It makes no difference its all the same

Im trying to forget, what I did to you in dreams
Im trying to forget, what I did to you in dreams
Don't tell me this is karma, nothing's really this fucked up

Im trying to forget but,
Im choking on morals I never knew I had
If I could just breathe
Id only want to breathe into you

Moons of honey drown in the dark

First part of the story, its gonna be written out of order. This is the affair between Eve and the Toy.

Covered up by a thinly veiled piece of lace
Looking through you can't see anything
The thought makes me sick from my insides out
But I can't stop now

We meant what we said, so
Why can't we stop ourselves
My skin is burning, lungs are shrinking
I want to rip your flesh to pieces
I want to rip your flesh to pieces

The guilt consumes
But I've bitten off more than I can chew
Adrenaline feeds me

At least whores make money, we just hide our faces

Trust in my back pocket
How can I say I've lost it

Even the Mona Lisa's Falling Apart

Where the hell am I?
Praying for love, on my last chance
Im praying, its naive and I know

Dance as long as this bottle lasts
Cause when its gone so are you
Wait til I come to, I will show you
the best way to leave

This is what you wanted
This is what you lead me to
And you can forget, I bet that feels good

One more drink and the desire to fuck overwhelms you, one more desire
could kill me

Praying for love, on my last chance
Im praying, I know its naive
Where the hell am I?
Im lost, and I've given up on myself

On my best day im three times the wreck of a normal man on his worst
day

Praying for love, on my last chance
Im praying, and I know its naive

I love you as much as a robot can love a person

I already know what your thinking
And I know this much is true
I walk with my eyes wide shut
So how could I lead you on

Is it possible to love someone who doesn't love you back
Hell is, hell is empty I know
because all of my demons are here

I've been thinking all night
Trying to pull this pen from my hand, I
can hear the words in my head screaming
To get out

Turn your eyes from brown to blue
And back again
Next time you cross my mind
Just remind me and I'll cross my wrist

I rise with the sun, and you'll fall with the moon
I rise with the sun, and you'll fall with the moon

The Irony of Beethoven

The Moments in between laughter
are memories that we all live for
its the small things that make you taste so sweet
for better or worse, you make me weak at my knees

March nights are ever so warming
but at the same time they can feel just like December
Lusting, loving, my mind questions the wanting
Because if it feels this good, it can't be real
Because if it feels this good, it can't be real

We live in fear, of being close so no one will see through
False face's hide what the false heart's know
It was always to benefit you
Hide my face so you could never see the real me
I've wasted time and now time wastes me
I've wasted time and now time wastes me

The Moments in between laughter
are memories that we all live for
Ill try to get over, the fact
That I've wasted time and now time wastes me

Guardians of the infinite abyss

I think this was inspired by an odd mixture of the French revolution,
some hardcore music, and the movie Garden State. Im going to sleep...

Everybody, everybody get down, get down
This is a riot, this is a riot
From the windows to wall
Shots ring out

Drop your head
The sound of desperation smells decay,
let them eat cake

There once was a man who spoke his mind, so they cut out his tongue and
then said "tell me what you think now"

On top they don't look down
We'll make them see look at us now

The sound of desperation smells decay,
let them eat cake

Everybody, everybody get down, get down
This is a riot, this is a riot
From the windows to wall
Shots ring out

"Timmy your 1 for 5, your not good enough!"

I dreamed of castles and estates all my life
you wouldn't know if I tried, but I know I can make it
Bullets over cropmton, make me nostalgic
sound of sirens crashing always put me to sleep

Once im gone, im not coming back
Sleep with that, im leaving my shoes
Barefoot on the concrete in July
Left so quick I forgot my mind
Either way im on my way out of this town tonight

Is your bed made? I bet it is
running wild like those valley kids
What you always feared, or just cared
How it was reflected on you

I dreamed of castles and estates all my life
you wouldn't know if I tried, but I know I can make it
Bullets over cropmton, make me nostalgic
sound of sirens crashing always put me to sleep

Rhyme, Reason & Alliteration

No rhyme, no reason just some angry thoughts.

Don't ask if im ok
Never mind im not ok
I won't come back

Ill have you upside down
I thought that's how you liked it

I watched the sky
And you let it fall

Its oddly simple
I hate you

Just leave me alone
I'll find my way
I'll find my way
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Like flying on wax wings

She could be the one
She could be the one
Take a walk, grab my hand
And pull me out the sun

Jaded memories we can't remember
Tell me what's left to ask for
Shield your eyes, drop your head
And run back from the sun

Cross my hands on my chest
And there's nothing left, to know
You wanted my heart and you got it

Take a walk, hold my hand
And pull me out the sun
Dry your eyes, leave the roses at the door

Take a walk hold my hand
and pull me out the sun
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

it blinks a little spot of senseless yellow in the middle of it all

This is by far the shortest thing I've ever written, started out as the
chorus; and then it stopped for the life of me I haven't been able to
finish it. So this must be it, right? Plus I just wanted to try and send
something from my phone. The title is a poem by Charles Bukowski.

Ideas grown cold, Im wondering how
I lost the paradigm
More than rain clouds out my window
and I can't sleep at night
Even if im blue, it all looks grey
pick up but I won't call
Just in time to drop your head,
to drop your head

--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Would you like some milk with those cookies?

This started as a song but I didn't feel like it had the rhythm or flow of a song, so it turned into this, maybe I'll rework it later.

Meet me at 7:15, I promise I won't be late. I know how you hate to wait. We can do whatever you want to do even hit the zoo, maybe its to late. Fill the air with stories, you know I love to listen. So wrap me in your words. Its a long shot, I hope it works. A girl with ridiculous stories and a boy with pills for worries.

Do I bore you? Drunk nights were never my thing, plus I was never one for memories; never even bought a class ring.

Never the same person when I go to sleep, As when I wake up, but you weren't there, just an empty shot glass and your space in the chair. Your just a girl full of ridiculous stories and im just a boy diagnosed with pills for worries.

I just wanna sew my mouth shut...

Well, I had to talk to her today and it wasn't that bad; uncomfortable, yes, awkward, very. However it wasn't as bad as I anticipated, my heart was doing like a thousand a second but it could of been much worse. I can honestly say I love the smell of closure, it fills my lungs with relief. Oh yea and my credit got denied for the Iphone, so it looks like im stuck with this sidekick for a little while longer.

Someone has to be plotting against me, really?

After a horrible day yesterday, I woke up late because I thought it was Friday, only to realize it was Thursday and I missed my math class on a test day, fan-fucking-tastic. So I have to track the teacher down and end up taking the test at like 5 in the evening, which made me late for work; and i probably failed the test. So i go to Best Buy and see about the new phone I'm going to buy, and I talked about that yesterday, moving on. I go to purchase my new iPhone over the internet and the computer tells me my credit score isn't good enough. At this point I just want to kill someone. So now I have to go back to Best Buy to purchase the phone in the store, and she'll be there, and I'll have to talk to her, and I'm gonna feel like vomiting; and at the rate I'm going I probably will, all over her shirt ;-), I I'll have to keep that thought just to keep me from going insane.

If your so smart, why aren't you rich?

More writing to distract myself. The thought of the song came from me listening to too much early 2000s punk pop, the whole over rated line seemed to come up a lot, so I had to take a shot at it. The title is the title of an old episode of the Batman cartoon from the 90s. Again written in about a half hour.

Let me see
What you've got in store
These over rated selfish boys
What we've got in store
Were just over rated
And over done

Its all been done before
So pack your bags
And take your toys

Just know that everybody stares
But we all know that no one cares

Just show us how its done
If your the one, if your the one

What have you got in store?
You over rated selfish boys
What we've got in store
But were just over rated
and over done

Stars and shades galore
But stars fade then your no more
Fifteen and your done
Fourteens gone and now your one

Shining but your a candle in the sun
Now your done, time is up

Well show you
What we've got in store
From these over rated selfish boys
What we've got in store is more
Over rated stories

"Sometimes even putting a nickel into a parking meter feels good"

-Seeing her makes me write to distract myself from thinking of her. Written in less than a half hour.

She entered through the back door
Like so many others before

The dream ends before two
because daddy doesn't know

With stars in her eyes,
and thighs so inviting

She screamed just love me, and the only answer she got was an echo. Four words princess take your own advice.

Backstage love doesn't exist

So rip your heart off your sleeve and put it back inside
You've got a good heart, save it for someone who cares

With stars in her eyes
like so many others before
His lie was a weapon,
and now she is empty

fuck! my life

She works at the fucking Best Buy, fucking Best Buy. I fucking love Best Buy; and now I can't go in there with out feeling all awkward and what not. Damn, my why did it have to be my favorite store?

"It's OK, I wouldn't remember me either"

This is the first song I've written specifically for an acoustic track. I wrote it about a month ago and haven't been able to think of a name, until I was watching american beauty for the ten hundreth time (I love anything that makes suburbanites look ridiculous). Anyways a line stuck out to me, when the husband meets "the real estate king" or whatever (the guy that his wife eventually cheats with), Lester the (husband) says "It's OK, I wouldn't remember me either" because the "real estate king" doent remember their prior meeting. Well long story short, a light bulb went off, I felt it related to the song and bam song title after waiting a month.

Picking it up from nothing and,
Don't you see Im breaking down again
Slow down with my head in the clouds
I can still see what's going on, on the ground

I can't just walk away
I can still feel you from my insides out
hear me now, please stay
I know that you would never lie
So why try and throw the past away

Slowed down with my head in the clouds
I still see what's going on, on the ground
Your every where I want to be, your all I know
Snapshots of drowning memories, we let them fade

I can still feel you from my insides out
Slowed down with my head in the clouds
I still see what's going on, on the ground
Picking it up from nothing and,
Don't you see Im breaking down again

Mannequin/Heads without faces, seen in all the places

I was sitting down listening to a pirated version of punk goes pop, embarassingly enough I've become a listener of this ridiculous series of cover albums; but hey we all have our guilty pleasures. Anyways me and my friends were wondering why the bands picked the songs that they picked (four year strong's cover was awesome by the way) and I was like hey we should do one. After about an hour and a half we had an acoustic remix/cover of Katy Perry's mannequin. I wrote it in about 35 minutes and I think it turned out pretty awesome. About 90% of this is from a song I wrote a while ago called "Heads without faces, seen in all the places", but it fit so well that I had to use it. Im not sure about recording it but you never know. The song choice was obviously mine, I think Mannequin is the best song on her album, it shows how good of a voice she really has and its so perfectly written, you can really visualize/feel/relate to the relationship in the song. If you haven't seen her perform this live your life is missing something. Here it goes.

I don't come with batteries or instructions
There's no button for push to start
You shove me just to see, if the lights come on

With us there is no receipt, oh
cause when they made me
they must of broke the mold
So much inside
but I don't know why
I still feel hollow

Cause Im just a man
And you want a mannequin
You just don't feel that my heart is real
But im just a man

I don't know about you
But is this how it concludes
Maybe its true
is it best to put it out of our heads

You wanna leave just to see
How long it will take me
To see that I was just a toy in disguise

But im not a man
Im just a mannequin
And I just don't feel that my heart is real
Im just a man

Hey Batman Everyone Likes Pancakes!

She said your not like the other boys I know
I said im half past dead and your still semi-sweet
I won't keep a secret no its all out in the open
I think you should know that you gave up control
When you surrendered your body

Im no better than saying I love you
to an empty room, an empty room
If this is true, what should I do
I thought you found me, but I'll never let you in
Don't let the echos jump your skin

Im not the one to blame for situations
You never thought with head
listen To the voice it must of stopped,
When the sheet left the bed
And your conscience hit the floor

Im no better than saying I love you
to an empty room, an empty room
Oh this is way too soon
I thought you found me, but I'll never let you in
Don't let the echos jump your skin

Don't blame me me for the heartache
I may have ruined your party
This scene was seen too many times before
I've only played a part once so it must be you
So watch conscience hit the floor

Im no better than saying I love you
to an empty room, an empty room
Here's a mirror, take a look at you
I thought you found me, but I'll never let you in
Don't let the echos jump your skin

The Shoes That Were Danced To Pieces

I wrote this at like 2a.m. so it migh be a little incoherent.

We are the broken
We are the broken
Don't take these words apart

Shoot at me once
Shoot at me twice
Shoot me down all you want

Just know that inside we can't hide
The windows always let light in
Clean out your closet, seal up those coffins tight

And plead out to me, plead out to me
Don't let your heart bleed on your shirt
I gave it to you, you gave it to me
But you stamped it and sent me back

Shoot at me once
Shoot at me twice
Shoot me down all you want

Cause We are the broken
We are the broken
Don't take these words apart

Hills Like White Elephants

Isles & Glaciers...wish I was There...

Who Gives a Fuck About An Oxford Comma?

This song has been stuck in my head for a while. These guys are pretty fucking cool. The video kind of takes away from the song but its sill awesome. I wish I could write like this.
*************************************************************************************
Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?
I've seen those English dramas too, they're cruel
So if there's any other way to spell the word
It's fine with me, with me

Why would you speak to me that way?
Especially when I always said that I
Haven't got the words for you
All your diction dripping with disdain
Through the pain
I always tell the truth

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?
I climbed to Dharamsala too, I did
I met the highest Lama, his accent sounded fine
To me, to me

Check your handbook, it's no trick
Take the chapstick, put it on your lips
Crack a smile, adjust my tie
Know your boyfriend, unlike other guys

Why would you lie about how much coal you have?
Why would you lie about something dumb like that?
Why would you lie about anything at all?
First the window, then it's to the wall
Lil' Jon, he always tells the truth

The Age Of Dissonance

I find inspirationin the weirdest places. While watching an episode of Gossip Girl, yea Im a guy who watches Gossip Girl, no homo right. Anyways while watching I noticed the title was a reference to the play in the show. And to my surprise I have read the book, I came across it when I was going through this phase after I read Great Expectations, it just reminded me of how good of a story it was. Long story short I wrote this in like an hour so its not finished. I just had to get the thoughts out before I went to sleep or I wouldn't be able to. And can anyone believe Dan left Ms. Carr, I can't she was sooo hot.

You gave me my first glimpse of real life
Then you asked me to go on with a false thought
The haunting beauty of what we all want
The horror of monotony stalks my thoughts
Countless poems were wasted on us

Everything is labeled, but everybody isn't
You've got a good heart You should give it
to someone who cares

Vapid stares pierce veils, and expose hidden
Worlds, at first sight I knew that we'd fold

Your just a girl who knows
nothing but expects the world
well wake up girl
And I'll show you that its cold

Everything is labeled, but everybody isn't
You've got a good heart You should give it
to someone who cares

Save me the sympathy, play it for the symphony
Maybe without you, I could feel less empty

Only Our Enemies Leave Roses

Inspired by Watchmen and the character The Comedian


I bet you feel good now
But they're all waving good bye
behind a fake smile
Bleeding hearts, love to breakdown

I heard a cry through the grapevine
Start the dancing for what we've created
The fabric's thick, tear through
scream we made it out

I can trace the exit wounds from your skin
Place holders, remind me of the weight on our shoulders
I can trace the exit wounds on your skin
Place holders, remind me of the weight on our shoulders

I bet you feel good now
But they're all waving good bye
From behind a fake frown
Bleeding hearts, love to breakdown

Either way they want you gone
Elevate to a point where the past
can't break your skin anymore
Point of no return, climax
And now you can't pull out

I can trace the exit wounds from your skin
Place holders, remind me of the weight on our shoulders

live - evil

I saw Watchmen and it was f-ing amazing. It was so worth the $9.50 and 3 hours of my life. I dont want to jump the gun but I might have liked it more than The Dark Knight, maybe, I'll have to see it again before I decide. Its definitely for people who arent Sci-fi conspiracy theory types. It manages to venture into a fantasy world while still being footed in reality. I loved how real the characters were, they had all kinds of crazy shit going on in addition to the main plot. My favorite character was The Comedian. The whole idea of him, what he represented and how he related to the overall them of the story was genius. A character that reflects the state of the world or human nature, but dies before the story starts.I thought it was a kind of foreshadowing, but I was wrong; but then it was right in a way.

I dont want to give any spoilers; but with that being said The Comedian and all of his symbolism has just hit me with a little burst of inspiration. I just need to find the time to let it all flow. I've started one new piece, I havent finished the one I've been stuck on for a while but I think it will come along; and I am so picking up The Watchmen comic book later today. I canat let this jolt of energy stop...Oh and Ive been obsessed with palindromes lately.

Bones

This song has been stuck in my head for like two weeks. This girl is amazing, someone get her a record deal!!!

Its Like Eating When Your Not Hungry

I predicted the wheather exactly. The temp dropped like 20 degrees and its freezing. Its supposed to rain tomorrow and be like 10 degrees warmer. Some people are still wearing little ass t-shirts like its still warm, that's like #5 on my list of things that piss me off.

On to #7 of things that piss me off. I don't really have a list but maybe I should make one. Anyways, #7 psuedo friends. Yea those people that you just socialize with because you have to, like you work with them or go to school with them, but don't really like them, its sort of like forced interaction. I was talking to a friend and she told me that one of her psuedo friends kept calling her and trying to hang out, but my friend doesn't really like this person. Now I don't know the person so I can't comment on them; but I did tell my friend to "shut up, you got yourself into it so stop complaining". I mean you shouldn't even attempt to be nice to someone you don't like, there's no point, its like eating and not being hungry. Your just being greedy and its kind of grouse. I know that was a weird analogy but hey, oh well.

I just don't think you should take one pretend friends just for the hell of it. It only creates problems for everyone. I don't do the pretend friend thing, it takes too much energy. Pretending to like someone would imply that I cared on some level, which I don't. All I'm saying is once you take someone on as a friend don't complain when you try to drop them.

Whether and Brainstorm Droughts

I have had one hell of a weekend. Its good to know that my little emotional set back on Friday didn't kill me or any chance I had of enjoying this weekend. I've spent this time celebrating my best friends 21st B-day and I can honestly say, I can't wait til I turn 21. Aside from the whole getting old thing, I think it will be pretty fun. I think I'll finish this weekend off by going to see that Watchmen movie, it looks pretty good.

On another note the wheather has been pretty decent. We got six inches of snow on Monday and its already gone. The wheather in this part of the country is so weird. Its like 30 degrees Monday, 7 days later its 70. The only thing about warm wheather after a snowstorm in March is we have to sit through 4 or 5 days of this room temperature warm wheather, where its warm but cloudy and the sun never really comes out. After these 4 or 5 overcast days it will rain non-stop for a week; but the temp stays the same. It rains but its warm at the same time, which has to be on of the most disgusting feeling when you get caught in it.

I've been writing a song for about 5 days now; and I couldn't finish it to save my life. Normally when I can't write anymore I just end it; but I only have two verses and I feel like there should be more. I wandered into the bookstore on Friday in search of "Invisible Monsters" by Chuck Palahniuk, I've been meaning to read it for a long time, and of course they didn't have it. However I did pick up another book by him, "Survivor" it sounded pretty awesome. Its about a guy who hijacks a plane, forces everyone off during a layover, lets the pilot go and lets the plane fly on autopilot and tells his life story to the little black box while waiting for the plane to crash. This might just be that little bit of inspiration I need to finish this song...Adios

Tinted Windows Hide Stares On Drives To Nowhere

I thought I was over her, it'll be a year in two weeks. Monday was her birthday, 19, we're only three months apart. It hasn't really crossed my mind, let me rephrase that, it hasn't really bothered me. I was having a pretty good day, on my way to KFC, because snackers are the shit. But good things don't last to long because. When I pull up at a stop light. Who am I staring at in the turning lane across from me? That's right its her. She pulls into the lane right in front of me; and when I pull over to the right lane we're riding parallel to each other for a while; and guess who's in the passengers seat, I don't know either but I know he's not as good as me. We don't even make eye contact. I know she saw me, I hope she saw me. I turn into the KFC drive through for some comfort food, so much for that great weekend I had planned. The awful thing is I don't even think its her or that I lost the perfect girl, its the feeling she gives me, she makes me feel unwanted. If someone I want to be with so much doesn't want to be with me, then who would? On a good note I've noticed these bouts of depression seem to be getting shorter.

Art never comes from happiness

I couldnt sleep last night so I ended up rewriting the shadows traced on walls poem. I think this is an improvement, im not really sure. But this is what happens when your up at 4 a.m. with words stuck in your head. I also retitled it, the title is still a reference to the book Choke by Chuck Palahniuk.

Nothing feels real anymore
Im not taking the time to care anymore
Now that your gone
Im just a loser that's gone
Astray

I can't be all alone
Don't leave me all alone
I lost the strength to go home

and nothing feels real anymore
You just don't care anymore
I can still feel you inside of me
Just try to say bye to me,
why are you so tired of me

Cause nothing feels real anymore
There's no time anymore
Cause I can't be alone
You left me alone, ask me
is this Better, ask me is this better

Cause nothing feels real anymore

The Prisoner

Awesome painting by Luke Cheu its called "The Prisoner". I love this picture more than you can imagine, when I first saw it I gasped, it's so perfect.

Kissing Shadows Traced On Walls

Nothing feels real anymore
Im not taking the time to care anymore
Call me your classic loser
I've been down, and now im out

You've got a lot in store,
I can't find a broken hearts cure
Im about half past dead
Still can't get you out of my head

Spent time on cloud nine, but now
We hit the floor, lights blur,
but I can't walk out the door
As I grow sore, it doesn't feel right

Nothing feels real anymore
Im not taking the time to care anymore
Call me your classic loser
I've been down, and now im out

If it just doesn't feel right
I can't not try
Sitting through empty rides
With hollow eyes, can't dream at night
I don't want the light

Im lost as to why, I can't walk away
Im a dog gone astray, but I keep coming back
We're trapped, and locked in, break away

Nothing feels real anymore
Im not taking the time to care anymore
Call me your classic loser
I've been down, and now im out

You Either Die A Hero Or Live To Become A Villain

Im a monster, im a killer, im beast
I know im wrong
Im real life
Im a problem that can't be solved

But fuck that lets make some money
And all the problems will be solved
Who's decides what's right or wrong
Take a look now, if all this didn't work
Would it have lasted this long
Come with me and let it save you

I know im wrong

This road is long, don't let it take you
Just hope someone prays for you
But what good will that do
Don't wait for anyone, you
Can only trust you

Dirty sheets are cold
When caged teeth tell nothing
Now were lost deep in these streets
Standing next to nothing

Im a monster, im a killer, im beast
I know im wrong
Im real life
Im a problem that can't be solved

Fuck that lets get some money

Seasons Change But People Dont

I had my computer on shuffle today and I came across a song I haven't heard in a while, "Take over the breaks over" by Fall Out Boy. I'm a huge FOB fan but I always kind of hated this song because it was so poppy. While listening to it a few cleverly placed lines stuck out to me. So I looked up the lyrics and what do you know they were amazing. Once again Pete Wentz surprised me by making a seemingly shallow radio single mean something. Patrick Stump managed to make what could have been a dark, not so good song into a radio friendly pop song. I envy that relationship so much. The first line is probably my favorite, it reminds me of a special person.



Baby, seasons change but people don't.
And I'll always be waiting in the back room.
I'm boring but overcompensate
with Headlines and flash, flash, flash photography.

But don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
Don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?
Style your wake for fashion magazines.
Widow or a divorcee?
Don't pretend, don't pretend.

We don't fight fair. We don't fight fair.
They say your head can be a prison.
Then these are just conjugal visits.
People will dissect us
till This doesn't mean a thing anymore.

Don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
Don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?
Style your wake for fashion magazines.
Widow or a divorcee?
Don't pretend, don't pretend.

We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.
We're dropped and well concealed in secret places
We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.
We're dropped and well concealed in secret places

Muhammad Ali Fights, Charles Manson kills people, I write

I recently saw a movie called "The Opposite of Sex", and it was pretty great, and not just because im in love with Christina Ricci but because it got me thinking. What is the opposite of sex? Knowing that sex is a great feeling you would think that whatever the opposite of it is, it would probably feel pretty awful. But if you think about it sex isn't something that just feels good or is fun. I mean the entire point of sex is for reproduction right. Sex leads to pregnacy which leads to birth which leads to life right. So the opposite of sex probably leads to death. But I don't think the opposite of sex is you dying. More like you contributing to death and I'd imagine that you probably don't fell anything painful, rather nothing at all and its probably just as satisfying. Im not saying that murder or death is a good thing; but just imagine the feeling someone like Charles Manson got from orchestrating violent murders, he probably didn't feel any remorse but was still satisfied with the outcome. Or imagine how a military leader feels after leading hudreds of troops into battle, and after winning the battle he's lost half of his men, and the thought of what's going to happen to these mens families or children doesn't cross the leaders mind, but he is proud of his so called victory. This has to be the oposite of sex a sort of empty satisfaction. I mean I'm probably wrong but it was something to think about.

Brainstorms and Raincoats

After being hit by a little burst of inspiration, I often find myself wondering where and how this inspiration comes about. Obviously music is the biggest source, but I think its the fact that my brain probably isn't wired properly, hell even I know I'm strange. I also think its more or less the crap I've had to endure throughout my childhood, mostly my teens. My teens for lack of a better term have pretty much sucked, way to many highs and lows. The last two years have a special place in a little corner of hell. Mostly a result of being let down by the only people your supposed to be able to count on, and realizing you don't get a second chance most of the time. Enough of my depressing rants.

The thought of what inspires me led me to analyze things I take a particular interest in for no Good reason. All of my weird obsessions that I love.

Chuck Palahniuk is a fucking sick genius. The way he looks at everything and explores some of the oddest situations. I love the way he uses addictions with his characters; and the sick sexual references he uses. I don't know if that's something to look up to or admire but I do.

Music, I love it. Its probably more of the creative process behind it that I love. I enjoy music in pieces more that as a whole sometimes. A song could have the worst lyrics and the most amazing music; and I could listen to the instrumental all day. Same goes for the opposite, if a song has great lyrics it doesn't matter how awful the music is I could listen to it all day.

Lyricists/poets are the people I admire the most, the ability to say a complicated thing in a simple way is something I envy and hope to achieve one day. I know this is pretty gay for a 19 year old black kid to say; but Pete Wentz' lyrics are amazing. The way he can put such simple, yet personal feelings into words that are so fitting of the mood is what I aspire to. Ryan Ross is insane his lyrics are so thought out and planned that it makes me wonder how long it takes him to write that stuff. Eminem is a mad genius. I was listening to "Marshall Mathers LP" and I can't imagine how he felt when he wrote and recorded that stuff. Its like how can someone put all of that rage into song. I don't even think I could ever reach the levels of anger that he hit on that record. Charles Bukowski is a man that was ahead of his time, truly a genius, he mastered the ability to put his thoughts and feelings on paper.

Movies/TV I really love movies with intricate plots or just anything that is really screwed up. I saw this movie the "Opposite of Sex" a few days ago, and it really got me thinking. That's all I really want to get out of a movie, just the ability to consider something from another point of view. I also love like 90s nickelodeon cartoons, like hey arnold, doug and rugrats. I just think the people who write this stuff are probably the coolest people alive. How do you as an adult write a show for kids, a good show. I don't know how its possible, I could never do that.

Books are something I never enjoyed as a kid but now I can't put them down. When reading a book is the only time I can focus completely on one thing, ever. Oddly enough I tend to read books really fast, I knock out about 600 pages in one day, if I enjoy it. One of the most interesting stories I've read is choke by chuck palahniuk, the main character reminded me of myself, struggling with a negligent mother and the wrong ideas about sex and women. Rant by Palahniuk is also amazing stylisticly its written as an interview from beginning to end and its so vivid and confusing, I completly enjoyed putting that puzzle together.

That's it I guess, this ran a little long and incoherent, but hey.

From Small Rooms To Small Graves

If the tired sleep
And the weary rest
There's no telling
what I have left

Cause time moves fast
And my minds kept
The secret to outrun death

Its selfish to say
That I belive, when I
say this Loveless lie

Like proper men
we'll dine in,
we'll dine in hell
Look from within
These beautiful sins, I
Love them, I love them

There are worse things than being alone(untitled)

Keep your secret and
take me back inside
Wash me away with the tide
Take your side
The crowds cry out
But they don't know, but they don't know
Feed the screen with a dream
Or join me in reality

Id rather leave than be
Another piece
In your menagerie

Wear a mask, live a lie
You hide the cry
Oh no instead id die

Now that you know
There's nothing left to hide
We can decide where you will lie
With me or the headline
See through the lines
Its obvious
It doesn't matter anymore

There's nothing more to see
Its inevitable
But this is us, so stay without me
Id rather leave
Than be another piece
In your menagerie

Notes written before jumping out of an 8 story window

Scratch your skin
Pop the pills to get
your head right
Now red and blue
Dizzy its not 3D
My only friends
I see where they
will take me

Im not lonely
Im a loner
Try to forget, yet
I want to remember

Some cry murder
When it dies slow
So we try to revive it
No
(But what's inside never dies)

How'd we get here
I went astray, and
You couldn't stay
I can't lay blame
I left too
gave up on myself
All I see is red and blue

Some cry murder
When it dies slow
So we try to revive it
No
(But what's inside never dies)

Scratch your skin
Pop the pills to get
your head right
Im not lonely
Im a loner
Some cry murder
(But what's inside never dies)

I sing the body electric

You get off
On being put down, So
when it heats up
I lay you down

On a drive to nowhere
Lean over from the passenger side
Pick up the phone we might be found out
Drop off two blocks down
Quick we might be found out

You get off
On being put down, So
when it heats up
I lay you down

Take those big browns
And turn them around
How am I supposed to love you

Tried to throw it aside
But im not that strong
Thoughts of curves
Plague my nights
Forgot where I left the the wrongs
Does that make it right

You get off
On being put down, So
when it heats up
I lay you down

If You feel the same, why
Does this weigh my brain
Born under the same light
Change just right, 'cause
For each other we just might
Two wrongs don't make a right
But at best two wrongs make us

The devils hands are idle play things

Listen closely and Do exactly what I say
You've gotten away with murder today
Now wash your hands
And dry them on me
Add insult to injury

Drag it away and hide this in your closet
Staying with you is like Living in trenches,
and when brainstorms come
im covered in your lies
And your pinesol fresh

Listen closely and Do exactly what I say
wash your hands
And dry them on me
Add insult to injury

Just give up and Hand over your future
The two of us are just, classic losers
you hide behind me, cause You don't have anyone else
But I've been longing for a spotlight lately
Add insult to injury

Take a big breath of air Cause
you'll need it, When your alone
We're prone to the same rounds
Break that habit, turn around
That road leaves this town

Listen closely and Do exactly what I say
wash your hands
And dry them on me
Add insult to injury

"it's about time we had a little less respect for the dead, and a little more regard for the living"

Situations force my draw
Can't play the hand dealt
So I change my cards
We can't decide
The right time to dive
You know you want to go
What's the problem now
Say my name again

Staring in the mirror
with hands outstretched so wide
Love and other four letter words
come to mind
Just let me get them out and
ill be just fine

Don't mind im just saving you the time of tossing me aside

We can't decide
The right time to dive
You know you want to go
What's the problem now
Say my name again

(Patience bends, cracked with no time
This will end
soaking red like A hemophiliac suicide)

If we can't decide
The right time to dive
You know you want to go
What's the problem now
Say my name one last time

The tower is tall, but the fall is short

I hid the key and locked the door
They topped me found it under the floor boards
Open a can of worms, walk through the door
Its my turn

If we're all gods children then
I think he dropped me on my head
I only said what you thought
I know its my words in your head
If this is it, it was never for love
Its was just a love of competition
And I think im losing

If you want a laugh then im your man
If you wanna dance then don't just stand
Who are we kidding, we love attention
If were living in history, then im your diary

I never met a pair of legs I wouldn't split
You never met a set of lips you wouldn't taste

Leaving doors on airplane bathrooms
Open in hopes that you'll see me
In a 757 at thirty thousand feet
And pretend we both don't like it

If we're all gods children then
I think he dropped me on my head
It was never for love
just a love of competition
And I think im losing

Who are we kidding, We love attention
I only said what you thought
I never met a pair of legs I wouldn't split
You never met a set of lips you wouldn't taste

Leaving doors on airplane bathrooms
Open in hopes that you'll see me
In a 757 at thirty thousand feet
And pretend we both don't like it

Ima Monsta

Awesome drawing by Alex Pardee

What's all this then?

Now I could just be another one of those guys that shows up gets it in and goes home, and initially that's all I wanted to do but for some reason there's something about you. I can't quite put my finger on it, I have had my finger in it, im joking, im joking. Now I don't know if its the rush of testosterone or all of the blood rushing to and from different places But I think I really like you, now you've said you loved me more times than I can count, but I don't believe it, and lets be hones neither do you. I think there's something here whether its physical or something more, we should at least walk through the door, ill hold it open this time. Im not saying im in love, that's the last thing on my mind, im not even sure if I really like you. Im just saying give it a shot, if it works then great; and if not it wouldn't be much different from where we are now, right. You know im not saying this stuff just to get in your pants, because well I've already been there. So if you want to try this, we can; but if you don't im not sure we're gonna be the same. It will be hard to do what we do after I've sat here and gushed to you. I know we both hate complicating things but hell, I can't help but to fuck things up.

Cupid's Cousin Larry

Is love really worth the pain, discomfort or burning sensation. I know it sounds like im describing an STD but be patient, I got an appointment on Monday ill hit you back with an update. Well, think again do we really want this crazy dream of a big house and a white picket fence, how dense are we to believe that we can all achieve this dream and play the starring role in our perfect scene. Think again the honest truth is most of us will probably die alone, unless you do achieve that dream and your spouse outlives you. So lets say you outlive your spouse and you have to deal with a pain you could never imagine, I know love's so tragic right. How would you feel knowing you had the perfect one, and now there's no getting them back, no fairy tale ending, just you waiting to end so you can be together again. But lets face it when it all goes black you don't really know what's going to happen, never thought about like that before did you? But think again, lets say you don't reach that dream and you suffer a string of unfortunate events and you just become the poster kid for failed relationships, now is it all worth it. Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, I don't think so. I don't know about you but how many break ups can you take before you just break down. And how many times can you let the perfect one just get away, I know it hurts more than anything at the moment; but you show it cause you don't care who knows it. Heartbreak's a funny thing, you sort of withdraw and introvert, but everyone knows what's going on. So think again is it all worth it, the pain, discomfort and lets forget about the burning sensation. I'd say yea, I would rather live my entire life and not feel a thing, than deal with all the things that come attached to a relationship, sex or whatever you want to call it. Just pass me the novocaine.